 |
| Grizzly Bear track, Rocky Mountains, Montana. |
The Seventh Commandment tells us
in Exodus chapter twenty to not commit adultery. “You shall
not commit adultery”
is verbatim in most popular translations. But what does this mean? It seems
that sometimes it is thought that adultery only means unfaithful to one’s
spouse. But other times Jesus says things like “Even if you marry someone who has been married then you have committed adultery”
(paraphrase of Matthew 5:32).
I think the best way to answer the
question of adultery is to think one step further. I think we should answer
biblically speaking, the grounds for remarriage.
Reaching further would give the argument greater strength.
It seems that the Bible defines
three areas for remarriage, but we should continue to refine the standard from
which to catapult. In 1 Timothy chapter three, we observe the qualifications of
an overseer. In this, Paul says that one of the qualifications must be that he
is to be a “Μιᾶς γυναικὸς ἄνδρα” which means in Koine Greek, “one
woman man” or a man who is faithful to his wife. The idea of this passage
being a man only being married to only one woman his entire life is theologically
expelled with logic. For instance, what
if the man’s wife died and he remarried? The Bible clearly frees a man to
remarry a woman in the event of death in Romans chapter seven, beginning at
verse one:
“For I am
speaking to those who know the law—that the law is binding on a person only as
long as he lives? For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he
lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly,
she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband
is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she
marries another man she is not an adulteress.”
If the death has occurred, then
the remaining spouse is free to remarry and not sin against God. This is the
first of three ways remarriage is not committing adultery. The same author is the author of both of these passages in Romans seven
and 1 Timothy chapter three which tells us that he would not logically disagree
with himself. One is saying that He must be the husband of one wife, which
a lot of people read as “only one wife,
ever”; and the other passage is saying that if the husbands’ wife dies, he
is free to remarry. So which is it? There is definitely a third horn to the
dilemma. The husband of one wife is faithfully translated into the English as “Faithful
to his wife” because otherwise, it would be logically inconsistent.
One does not commit adultery by
remarriage through death, as mentioned above, and secondly, by unfaithfulness,
which we can see biblically in Matthew chapter 19:7-9, which says,
“Why then,” they
asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and
send her away?”
Jesus replied,
“Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But
it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his
wife, except for sexual immorality,
and marries another woman commits adultery” (emphasis mine).
Theologians sometimes call this
the “exception clause.” It seems that there are legalists who believe that this is inserted into the text as an interpolation, but the rest of the
Biblical passages on this topic do not logically disagree with what is said
here, indicating that this is genuine. The idea is that a person does not
commit adultery by divorcing his wife and then marrying someone else on the
grounds of infidelity. This is a second means by which a person can be
remarried and not commit adultery.
With this, it seems to bring us to
the conclusion that there is more to being guilty of adultery than simply
infidelity, which I think Jesus answers. We will get to that shortly, but I
want to continue with the biblical grounds for remarriage.
A third way that the Bible seems
to give ground for remarriage is found in First Corinthians chapter seven:
“To the rest I
say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and
she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has
a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must
not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his
wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing
husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so.
The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has
called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save
your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife” (emphasis mine)?
If you didn’t catch what is in
there, I would personally call it abandonment. If your spouse abandons you,
with a qualifier that she is not a Christian, then you are free to remarry.
Paul says in this passage, “The brother or the sister is not bound in such
circumstances…” This is interesting because the question becomes, what if she is
a Christian? Well, if she was, would she be divorcing her husband (See 1 Corinthians
13:4)? Bear also in mind that you can tell what kind of a tree one is by the
fruit that it produces (Matthew 7:15-20). This is the same chapter that tells
us how to make good and proper judgments.
So if she claims to be a Christian
yet leaves her husband, how do we handle this? Before we answer this, I think
we can introduce another sensitive scenario here as well. What if the spouse is
in an abusive relationship? This takes a turn from our main point, but needs to
be addressed. If someone is in an abusive relationship, they should remove
their self (and very likely, their children) at first offense. In a sense, the
abusive spouse has abandoned his or her post, and is no longer acting accordingly.
On the other hand, from a counseling perspective, I would never encourage someone
to divorce their abusive spouse,
because “God hates divorce” (NASB Malachi 2:16), which makes me think, there
are not a lot of things in the Bible that spell out what God hates. Therefore,
I think that counselors having a reverent fear of God is highly appropriate. Because
of such, it seems that counseling someone to divorce their husband or wife
would be like counseling them to go and steal something. There must, therefore,
be another option, which is a separation.
We answer the problem of
abandonment of a spouse the same way we answer an abusive spouse. Matthew
chapter 18 tells us how to do that in a list of proper steps to take. The first
step when a “brother sins against you” is to go to him privately (v. 15). In the
case of physical abuse, however, this step must be skipped for obvious reasons.
Secondly, if nothing changes, then bring two or three others with you to try to
win him back to reality (v. 16). If that does not work, it is time to go public
in the church (v. 17). Finally, if none of these steps work out, then you treat
him as you would like someone who does
not know God or someone whose moral
compass is not calibrated (“Gentile or tax collector” v. 18).
So if the spouse abandons you or
abuses you, they have clearly done wrong against you. The steps in Matthew 18
are the first place to which we turn in the Bible in either of these events. I
realize that there are many different scenarios with either of these
situations, but in order to move forward from them, things must be done, steps
must be taken. This is a delicate matter in any event, but it is mentally (and possibly physically) healthy to move
forward after knowing what the Bible says and hearing from many advisors
(Proverbs 15:22).
With everything out in the open
and all things considered, we must ask, “Is it good for us to try to find a way
that we are not guilty of adultery before the Lord?” What is our purpose in
understanding what the Bible says about our remarriage situation? Are we trying
to justify ourselves before God?
We need to be very careful about
making ourselves out to be clean before God (See Ephesians 2:8-9 and 1 John
1:9). It is good for us to humble ourselves before the Lord (1 Peter 5:5-6).
Especially in a situation as fragile as discussed.
Ἠκούσατε ὅτι ἐρρέθη,
Οὐ μοιχεύσεις. ἐγὼ δὲ λέγω ὑμῖν ὅτι πᾶς ὁ
βλέπων γυναῖκα πρὸς τὸ ἐπιθυμῆσαι αὐτὴν ἤδη ἐμοίχευσεν αὐτὴν ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ αὐτοῦ.
Jesus says, “You have heard that
it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone
who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with
her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Now which of us reading these words of Jesus
can honestly say that we have never lusted? With the enormity of how frequent
this happens in the world, I think Jesus is saying in a sense, “See how desperately you need me!” We are
all guilty of adultery (See Romans 3:10-18). Thankfully, we not only do not
have to earn our way, but we absolutely cannot (See Romans 3:23 and 6:23 et.
al.). Therefore, “Give thanks to the Lord for He is good! His love endures forever!”
Written by Nace Howell through the
grace of the Lord Jesus
© Nace Howell, 2019
Comments
Post a Comment