Moving Someone from Hostility to Sympathy to Humility: How to help friends, family, and acquaintances become sympathetic toward Christianity
Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.[1]
In the above passage, Paul is giving the Corinthians his secret into witnessing to people. The main idea is that he becomes all things to all people (V. 22). Now, you have possibly heard this all before, but what exactually does it look like? How do we apply this to our friends and family who are hostile to Christianity?
I think that recognizing hostility is one of the first steps. We must know where a person stands concerning Christianity and our Lord. Often, this is easily recognized because people are so open about their hostility toward Christianity. Sometimes, all it takes is hearing the right sentence come out of someone’s mouth. Perhaps like taking God’s name in vain or commenting on how ridiculous some “religious” or Christian belief is. In any case, if we spend enough time with someone who is hostile toward Christianity, it won’t take long before we discover his true heart.[2]
When people are hostile, they want very little to do with Christians. Likely desiring no association at all. I once took some iced tea and donuts to a police officer in a local town, and he angrily refused to receive the gifts. He wanted nothing to do with the gifts, me, or Christianity. I soon found out that this was because he is hostile toward Christians.
Other times, I have been in discussions and discovered hostility very quickly, just from a brief conversation as mentioned above. These often happen in second or third meetings with the same persons. It doesn’t take long for people to get comfortable enough to start talking about what is wrong with the world. So, once we discover that someone we know is hostile toward Christianity, how do we get him to become sympathetic toward Christianity? This brings us to the second step…
We must break down barriers. What do those barriers look like? I have discovered that these barriers mostly look like a combination of trust and credibility. From the perspective of the one who is hostile, he has a lack of trust in you, and also in his mind, you have a lack of credibility for him. For instance, there is generally a trust barrier up the instant someone hostile finds out that you are a Christian, perhaps because of a former experience that he had, and so you will have no credibility whatsoever, simply because there is no established trust. The problem is, he will not want to sit in a reclined leather chair long enough for you to discover all the things that made him hostile toward Christianity, and you will not want to plead with him to understand and believe that you are a person with knowledge and authority on the subject. So, we need to go at this a different way.
Again, Paul says that “I become all things to all people.” In my own experiences, nothing works better than discovery from both directions. From your standpoint, discovering the things that people identify in, and affirming them in such. I think that ultimately, what you must discover is something that changes their presuppositions about Christians and apply it for them to discover. For instance, many non-Christians, whatever they may be, believe that Christians see nearly everything fun as sinful, and if they are doing something that they believe that you think is sinful, then there is no way this barrier will come down. They want to protect this part of their lives because this is what they identify in. They have an emotional attachment to this thing that they love to do. People are creatures of habit, and to lose those habits is very hard for some psychologically speaking. It is often so hard that they protect it, even with… hostility. Discovery from his standpoint is when he is surprised at observing you doing this thing he likes or identifies in that he thought that Christians frowned upon. Then a switch is flipped, and there is another level of hostility reduced toward sympathy.
We break barriers by living radically for Jesus. What is he doing that Christians are known to frown on, that might make him feel like he is not accepted by Christians? What is it that he is doing that makes him feel judged? Paul never crosses the line of sin in becoming all things to all men: “To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law.” But he did become like them. Like Paul, be acutely aware of what is sinful and what isn’t. One does this by knowing and living what the Bible says. Your freedom in such will speak volumes to the non-believer. Is having a microbrew sinful? Is getting a tattoo? Is smoking a cigar? Playing poker? Certain types of music? What are some other examples that Christians frown on that might not be sinful? Where does legalism get in our way as Christians?
When seeking out these things, we must never forget what our mission is, and stand firm in the faith.[3] To make disciples, who make disciples, who make disciples. I remind the reader of this because sometimes we forget what our mission is, and we forget that we need to stand our ground. Many of these things discussed have potential to become sinful, which is why we need to “watch ourselves.”[4]
Another step is to let them know where you stand. Let them see your life lived out for Christ. Let them know what you are all about, even when they are hostile toward Christianity. This way when the person does discover you doing something that he identifies in, there will be a shock to the system, so to speak. Think about it, if they know that you are aa Christian and discover you doing the same thing that he deeply values, he will be somehow emotionally tied to you now, because of the emotions that are attached to such a belief.
Saturate it in prayer. Finally, pray about all of this. When you have someone in mind, perhaps the Holy Spirit is leading you in a specific direction, only for someone unexpected to come forward with questions about Christianity. Seek out the answers, and do not act like you know. Remember the phrase, “I will have to get back to you on that.” It will buy you time, and open a discussion for later on, when you are more prepared. Pray for spiritual and godly wisdom for His honor and glory.
From here, we move toward always being prepared to give a defense of the hope that we have, but doing this with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15).
1 Corinthians 9:22 is a picture of the gospel. Becoming all things to all people. This is what God did for us in Jesus. Be like Jesus!
© Nace Howell, 2022
[1] NIV.
[2] Luke 6:45 “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
[3] 1 Corinthians 16:13-14: “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.”
[4] Galatians 6:1. “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”
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